I have this nagging obsession that's been growing and growing, so to speak ... I mean, this is what Die Hard man's chin usually looks like after a weekend of no-shaving:
But lately I've noticed a darkening between his bottom lip and chin, though he's been shaving regularly between weekends as usual. My obsession with this is that there's this one front desk clerk at the lobby of my place of litigious employment who sports what should never be called a "beard" -- cannot honestly be called a beard, or even a goatee <-- haaate those, too.
Anyway, this thing looks like a woolly patch of FUNGUS. And I've googled this random guy as an example of this chinfungusamungus:
See what I mean? SEE.IT?!!! :O
And front desk dude's is bigger! And FUZZIER, as in hairs crawling above his bottom lip -- I have to keep conversations thisshort with him or I'm afraid he'll notice I'm grossed out.
That ain't right, it just isn't. And I'm afraid DH's, um, growth is headed in that direction.
So I've spend the better part of my free-thought time between a flurry of interrogatory preps and calls and yammering attorneys plotting how I'm going to approach DH with his own razor and shaving cream and pull a Delilah on his chin hair ... because I can't just be HONEST, now can I? I mean what am I going to say to him: "Gee, baby, um ... if that fuzz on your face grows to shag carpet-sample size, I'd rather lick a dirty pot scrubber than nibble your tasty lips again" ... :(
Yes, I know. I can hear the world coming to a screeching halt -- Obama postponing further troop visits, activists' fingers freezing over keyboards as they were typing furious e-mails and posts about the perma-petro-war -- to work on this little crisis. So in my best paralegalese, I bid you a sincere Thank you for your anticipated courtesy.